Considering Taking A Child Into Your Home That Is having Trouble At Home? by Susan Farmer Home Don't! Why? There are many reasons. First of all, despite your good intentions, you are not helping. All you are doing is pitting child against parent. And this is not a good thing. You may say we'll the child needs shelter. Better here than out on the street. Well, in my opinion, not true. Why? That child needs a good dose of reality. Also that child needs to learn to confront things, solve them, and work it our with their parents. When you take that child into your home, you are actually helping that child to run away instead of standing up to the plate and solving a problem. Also children can be very manipulative in today's world. They absolutely know that the best way to get back at their parents is to accuse them of child abuse, neglect, or getting beat or other things along these lines. The courts are rampant with false claims from children and is especially prevalent in divorce cases, because they are coached by the spouse to make things up about the other parent. There are other pitfalls as well. If the child is a minor, you may be harboring a runaway, and standing in the way of the parent child relationship. You could be the one going to jail if the parents wanted to pursue this legally and through the courts. You may not think so, but parents do have rights and you definitely do not want to step on those rights. Different states have different laws about harboring a runaway against the parents wishes that can range anywhere from a felony to a class A misdemeanor. Make no mistake you can go to jail. In addition, think about it. It is the wrong thing to do. Far better to help unite the family and help make their family situation better. If you really want to help these are the ideas and steps you can take, among others. First, explain to the child that they need to face things, go home and work things out with their parents. Then take steps to help the entire family. Contact the parents, explain that the child is there, and that you are going to drive the child home. Next, follow up. Offer to drive the family or child to counseling. Family counseling is best. Try to influence the family in a positive way. Set up a barbecue at your house, set up some games or enjoyable things to do. Like horseshoe, croquet, pool, ping pong, etc. Invite the family to participate. That will give you and your family a chance to interact with the family and give them a positive experience, and a positive way to interact with their kids. Next, have the group settle around a campfire and tell them you thought you would share a little insight about what you have learned about communication and maybe try some roll playing. Maybe even a little story telling. Try to insert some humor, as humor is almost always remembered. Make this fairly short so the group does not lose interest. Next, call and ask how things are going. If there are obvious problems in the family, such a s drinking or alcohol abuse, you might sit down in private with the offender and offer to drive that person to an AA meeting. Or you could call social services, if things seem really bad, such as the child having terrible bruises, but only do this as a last resort. You might also ask the parents if they would like to take a parenting class with you. If you are a member of a church, you could invite them to go. But do not shove it down their throat, as they will end up pushing you away. Keep in mind, that this approach may take more effort on your part, but you are doing much more to help the child in the long run, then offering the child a place in your home, because you are not jeopardizing that all important family bond. Reaching out to our neighbors may be the ultimate world peace building effort. Think about that! Warm Regards! Susan Farmer |